she needs a way to feel the same as she once did

seeing her now makes me want to live...

2008-05-03T01:02:31Z

Deconstruction's online now! Read my articles plus the others because they're all really good. I haven't been more proud of an issue as I am of this one. This magazine has really come a long way from the 20 black and white pages stapled together that it was my freshman year, and I'm proud to say that I've helped it become what it is today. I'm going to miss these people when I graduate but I know that I'll be leaving the magazine in good hands. :)

http://copland.udel.edu/stu-org/DeconMag/spring08.pdf

South Africa!

2008-01-02T01:51:33Z

I'm leaving for the airport at 9 a.m. tomorrow and will be gone until the 31st when my plane arrives in New York at 7 a.m. I won't want to converse with people until the 2nd of February probably because of the jet lag and the time difference and the lack of sleep. :) But I will be having a kick ass South Africa party when I get back! I'll miss everyone and I love you all!

*The only thing I ask is that if Brand New breaks up while I'm gone, please email me or send a telegram or call my hotel! haha.

spring break 2007.. woo!

2007-03-31T22:22:21Z

don't ever go to virginia beach when a group of guys tells you it'll be a lot of fun. the aquarium sucks. they have more fake animals than real animals. and don't ever stay in a Travelodge. haha. $34 a night is not worth it. BUT I laughed a lot and only cried once. Amanda took a lot of pictures of the pubes in the bathroom, the suspicious white stain on the blanket on my bed, the hairs in her bed, and the brown sheets on mine. we hit up Colonial Williamsburg on the drive home. So SPRING BREAK 07 WOO! shoutout to CW. :) The highlight of the trip: we found a La Tolteca in Williamsburg and that chicken quesadilla and chips and salsa were delicious! I might have had to wash all of my clothes when I got back because they all smelled like the Travelodge, but all in all I'm now to the point where I can laugh about the trip. haha.

"I've sometimes thought of what it would be like to have a vagina." -Tim

"I kind of have to pee."
"well, why didn't you go when we were leaving La Tolteca?"
"Because I didn't have to go then."
"WELL YOU SHOULD HAVE TRIED!"
"BUT I DIDN'T HAVE TO PEE THEN!"
"Jessica, I can get you home in 45 minutes and you can pee then."
"Okay. but at 46 minutes I'm going to pee my pants, Tim."

p.s. Phillies opening day on Monday!

why I am a Liberal...

2006-12-27T05:56:07Z

How to Be a Good Republican:

1. You have to believe that the nation's current 8-year prosperity was due to the work of Ronald Reagan and George Bush, but yesterday's gasoline prices are all Clinton's fault.

2. You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success all on their own.

3. You have to be against all government programs, but expect Social Security checks on time.

4. You have to believe that AIDS victims deserve their disease, but smokers with lung cancer and overweight individuals with heart disease don't deserve theirs.

5. You have to appreciate the power rush that comes with sporting a gun.

6. You have to believe...everything Rush Limbaugh says.

7. You have to believe that the agricultural, restaurant, housing and hotel industries can survive without immigrant labor.

8. You have to believe God hates homosexuality, but loves the death penalty.

9. You have to believe society is color-blind and growing up black in America doesn't diminish your opportunities, but you still won't vote for Alan Keyes.

10. You have to believe that pollution is OK as long as it makes a profit.

11. You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as you don't pray to Allah or Buddha.

12. You have to believe Newt Gingrich and Henry Hyde were really faithful husbands.

13. You have to believe speaking a few Spanish phrases makes you instantly popular in the barrio.

14. You have to believe that only your own teenagers are still virgins.

15. You have to be against government interference in business, until your oil company, corporation or Savings and Loan is about to go broke and you beg for a government bail out.

16. You love Jesus and Jesus loves you and, by the way, Jesus shares your hatred for AIDS victims, homosexuals, and President Clinton.

17. You have to believe government has nothing to do with providing police protection, national defense, and building roads.

18. You have to believe a poor, minority student with a disciplinary history and failing grades will be admitted into an elite private school with a $1,000 voucher.

thanksgiving

2006-11-24T05:09:29Z

My mom: "I'm just sorry that all I have to offer are girls to help with the cottage."
Aunt Dot: "well Heather and Jessica help so it's okay."
Uncle Dick: "And Mikey helps. So it's just Jessica that needs to find a boyfriend to help."
Aunt Dot: "Yea, so Jessica, when you're going through the selection process, we could really use someone who's good at hanging drywall."
Uncle Dick: "Yea, preferably someone who can cut it when they hang it. Because that's the sign of a really good dry-waller."

"Well I've been looking up the pre-med boys at UD in search of a possible future husband."
Aunt Dot: "That's really good Jessica, because we're all depending on you to take care of us when we get old."

"all he ever wanted was love and love and happy afternoons.."

2006-03-31T17:53:48Z

I haven't updated since winter session. It's now Spring Break, so it seems appropriate. On Monday, I went to Becca's apartment. We got back yesterday afternoon. Tuesday, we went to the salvation army and thrift store shopped. (I'm tired, and I know that doesn't make any sense.) Wednesday, we decided to drive to Philly International Airport so that we could pull a Love Actually and watch everyone being happy when their loved ones got off of the planes from foreign countries. It really was amazing. This little boy go so excited when he saw his relative that he ran down the walkway thing and jumped into their arms. It was adorable. You kind of regain hope in human nature when you see things like that. Before we went to the airport we went to South Street to shop. I bought The Hush Sound album. It's beautiful in so many ways. It makes me happy. I had a chicken cheese steak. $6. I was excited. haha. Becca took some pictures for class and I took some pictures just for the hell of it. I can't upload them right now because I'm working on dial up right now and it's insanely slow, but I'll do it when I get back to school. Wednesday night, we got a little tipsy off of a box of wine, and decided to put our bathing suits on over our clothes and sit in her bathtub taking myspace pictures like all of those kids do. they're amazing. i'm still laughing. Thursday morning, we went to the "beach", meaning we put our bathing suits on and laid out on towels in her living room with the blinds open. It was pretty amazing. Tomorrow, I'm going to see Straylight Run and The Spill Canvas at the Troc with Sierra. I'm excited. Amazingly enough, it's my first trip ever to the Troc. We always go to the electric factory or the tla, so this is going to be an experience for me. The show's at noon, so we'll be home by like 5, which is really exciting. I think I'm sick, but I'm trying to get over it by the time I go back to school. I think that's about it in my life right now. Medicaid isn't taking the beach house from my family, so that's exciting. I was alot more worried about that than I realized, because when the letter came saying they weren't taking it, I felt a million times better and I think I breathed for the first time in a week since my mom had called me. Maybe it was mid terms too stressing me out, but the cottage issue was another thing in itself.

I see Brand New in 23 days with all of the new friends I've met in my dorm this semester, and some old ones as well. I could not be more excited for a show!!

"how could you know, "Blackbird" was just what I wanted?"

2006-01-24T00:48:18Z

i am officially moved out of my room. it no longer says that she's my roommate on the udel.edu website anymore.

january 26th is the day I find out who my new roommate is. I move in February 5th.

february 24th will be the best night of my life thus far!! (ahh!.. haha)

March 26th- The Arctic Monkeys in Philly!!!!

this weekend: Brokeback Mountain in Brandywine with the loves of my life: Becca, Jessie, and Aaron

things are definitely starting to look up :)

one day, you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears

2005-12-19T04:25:01Z

i love Grey's Anatomy:
"Pain, you just have to ride it out, hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers, you just breath deep and wait for it to subside. Most of the time pain can be managed but sometimes the pain gets you where you least expect it. Hits way below the belt and doesn't let up. Pain, you just have to fight through, because the truth is you can't outrun it and life always makes more."

"Maybe we're not supposed to be happy. Maybe gratitude has nothing to do with joy. Maybe being grateful means recognizing what you have for what it is. Appreciating small victories. Admiring the struggle it takes simply to be human. Maybe we're thankful for the familiar things we know. And maybe we're thankful for the things we'll never know. At the end of the day, the fact that we have the courage to still be standing is reason enough to celebrate."

"Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass. And when the dam bursts, all you can do is swim. The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon. We can only lie to ourselves for so long. We are tired, we are scared, denying it doesn't change the truth. Sooner or later we have to put aside our denial and face the world. Head on, guns blazing. De Nile. It's not just a river in Egypt, it's a freakin' ocean. So how do you keep from drowning in it?"

oh and i discovered "googlism" tonight and I googlismed Jesse Lacey and this came up: "jesse lacey is one bad ass motherfucker and if you don't do what he says then he'll eat your dog." (Sara, I hope you read that because I'm really only updating right now to be able to put that up here for you! :)

"I am too weak to be your cure"

2005-12-06T01:27:35Z

Weeping Willow

The snow won’t stick to the weeping willows
the cold air won’t blow open the windows
You’ve made it through the storm this far
You can do this, dear, it won’t be hard
The snow won’t stick to the weeping willows

There will be tomorrow
the sun will light a sea of sorrow
Tonight it set and took our friend
If I could do one thing, I’d bring him back
Snow won’t stick to the weeping willows

Summer was painted on our skin
and those secrets hidden in our childish lips
they would die for a kiss

Fall was always left in your eyes
just a fleck of yellow light
like the sunrise
like the twilight

"i hope you choke and die"

2005-11-28T16:20:00Z

i need a new room mate. now.

am I that impossible to get along with??

or is she just that much of a bitch?

i'm done being nice to people, because it's just a fucking waste of time.

I HATE DRAMATIC PEOPLE!

"but there's no one I'd rather waste my time with than all of my best friends"

2005-11-07T19:26:47Z

so the weekend before this past weekend when i went home, my friends and I got this brilliant idea to light Pop Rocks on fire. granted, my dad is a firefighter and I've never been allowed to do these sorts of things before, but college has opened up an entirely new window of opportunity. So we grabbed the necessary equipment, pop rocks, lighter, computer paper (in case we needed something to start the blaze), and a bottle of water (in case the fire got too out of hand) and headed outside to a part of my driveway where my dad couldn't see us from the family room.

If anyone had driven up at this precise moment, they would have found 3 bundled up 18 year old girls, lighter in hand, laughing hysterically and trying desperately to get some kind of a fire started.

After numerous attempts to actually get the Pop Rocks to light on fire,
we decided it was a lost cause and just went ahead burning the paper.

Then we decided to pour the Pop Rocks into the paper to see what that would do,

then Jessie and Becca decided to make a "joint" (because we're all such druggies) and light it on fire:

this makes it seem like I was high, but I definitely was not..

more "joints" I think.. courtesy of Jessie and Becca

and finally, putting the "fire" out

This was either the best idea or the worst idea we have ever had, but it was fun!
such is life, as straight-edge college students, from the middle of nowhere!

"was it God who chokes in these situations?"

2005-11-02T04:06:54Z

Random 1. On A&E at 10 PM. Everyone should watch it. It's this amazing show that I got completely sucked into tonight. These two men find someone who needs help and they help them however they can. The guy tonight had lost his leg in a lawnmower accident when he was 4 and so the two guys found someone to donate a prosthetic leg for him. it was really nice. they find random people on the streets to help these other people. amazing.

i think i love Chris Matthews. Just because everytime he talks a lot I wait for the minute his head will explode. haha

"eat your heart out... so you can feel my pain.."

2005-10-24T04:08:38Z

she doesn't even fucking care that he broke my heart.

aren't friends supposed to care?

(this is very emo. but i couldn't put it into other words..)

"how could I miscalculate? Perfect eyes will have perfect aim."

2005-10-20T17:55:35Z

I'm starting to realize that maybe I will be spending the rest of my life with Jessie, Becca, Aaron and Marisa. I'm okay with that.
last night was one of the worst nights of my life... i don't even know why but it just was.
i'm ready for the weekend to be here.. i want to see my loves and eat fish and chips with them.

i have the greatest friends in the world, i don't need him.

keep reminding me of that..

"What a wonderful caricature of intimacy..."

2005-10-12T04:58:42Z

so my room mate wants me to go on a semi-quadruple date tomorrow night because she feels that since i don't have a boyfriend my life is incomplete. I have never felt that way; sure it would be nice to have someone but the Air Force is not where I'm going to find that special someone. I am a flaming liberal. A feminist, though I don't refer to myself as one very often, and these boys have offered to buy me dinner and pay for the movie. That's nice of them, yes, but I also see it as very degrading on my part. Is that weird? Am I such an independent person that I can't even accept generosity? I just hate when girls act all stupid and when boys feel the need to buy them things to show that they like them or respect them or whatever. Tell me you value my opinions, don't pay for my dinner just because you feel like you have to, pay for it because you respect the fact that I'm a hardworking woman who will never make as much money as you do because we live in such a fucked up society. I'm the only non-whore going tomorrow night and it's going to be awkward. I don't like meeting people and being forced to spend time with them. That's an uncomfortable situation. Especially when 2 other girls will be there throwing themselves at these guys, my room mate will be there with her boyfriend, and I'm stuck with a guy I'll meet that same night that I have very little in common with. I really hate that Rachel feels like I'm miserable because I don't have a boyfriend. I'm miserable because I have a lot of shit going on at home and I'm 60 miles away from it all. I get emails from my mom telling me my pop-pop's in the hospital and my niece is sick, but they don't know what's wrong. I'm missing so many things that I need to be there for. My grandfather is dying and there is nothing I can do. I still have to go to class and get a degree. I can't be there for him, I don't know how this week is going or how next week will go. I only know that he's really sick and there's nothing more that they can do for him. I'm living out "Guernica"
(Nobody plans to be half a world away at times like these, so I sat alone and waited out the night. The best part of what has happened was the part I must have missed. So I'm asking you to shine it on and stick around... If I could I would shrink myself and sink through your skin to your blood cells and remove whatever makes you hurt but I am too weak to be your cure.)
I don't think adding in a boyfriend will do anything but make my life more stressful.
I just want to be with Pete Wentz right now, talking about books and movies and music.

"don't you forget me"

2005-10-04T01:40:23Z

Take The Ewan McGregor Test!

i'm procrastinating

"let's get those teen hearts beating. Faster, faster!"

2005-09-28T02:36:17Z

okay this may seem weird but I was wondering if anyone else at UD (who also uses Livejournal) likes Houston Calls and has a car or knows someone with a car on campus that might want to go to a Houston Calls show with me on October 19th at the Harmony Grange in Newark. (I know it's a weekday and everything, but honestly, who actually sleeps or does homework here? hah) The venue is on 7 North, and I know how to get there and everything but I don't know of anyone with a car that would want to go with me. The tickets would be like $10 at most. Chances are I don't know you, but we've got some time to get to know one another before we go to the show. haha and if you like Houston Calls, then you're automatically my friend by default. so comment back or send me an im at sukr4nethngacstc My name's Jessica, by the way, and I'm a freshman. okay that's all. thanks.

all my life i've waited, this is true

2005-09-20T22:34:38Z

am i the only loser in the world who gets really nervous in front of the guy she likes?? and just watches him walk by without saying anything to him?? and when you do say something, does it always end up being the stupidest thing ever and later on you think, "why the hell did i say that?" maybe i'm just insane or just really bad at expressing my emotions. grr.
also, does anyone else freak out and assume that a guy hates you just because you think no one would ever like you?? i think i have huge self esteem issues. why can i not just tell him how i feel??

i would ljcut this, but i really don't know how to.. haha

2005-09-20T03:06:44Z

10 years ago I was:
• 8 years old
• hanging out with Jessie and Andrea afterschool
• in 4-H
• a lot less worried about everything
• in love with a boy named Brad in my class (haha what else is new?)

5 years ago I was:
• 13 and freaking out about the upcoming presidential election (this was the year i discovered that i was a Democrat)
• going to parties with Theresa
• getting ready for high school
• going out with boys that would ultimately break my heart
• more outgoing than i've ever been since

1 year ago I was:
• in high school
• spending every waking moment with my friends
• going to shows
• in ap european history/loving Ms Beck
• freaking out about which college i wanted to attend

Yesterday I:
• was home
• tried to bond with my cat
• spent some time with Lizzie
• went to a family reunion
• got back to school a lot later than i had planned

5 snacks I enjoy:
• Baked Lays
• plums
• red delicious apples
• brownies
• ice cream

5 songs I know all the words to: (I just picked five of my favorite songs at the moment)
• Mixtape by Brand New
• Bob and Bonnie by Houston Calls
• Bedroom Talk by The Starting Line
• Soundtrack For Our Movie by Mae
• Bruised by Jack's Mannequin

5 things I would do with 100 million dollars:
• help my family fix up the cottage
• pay for my mom-mom's nursing home bills
• pay for pop-pop's chemo
• buy a new car for myself because i really need it
• donate the rest to orphanages or animal shelters

5 places I would run away to:
• Greece
• Pickering Beach
• Italy
• Spain
• Morocco

5 things I would never wear:
• fur
• leather pants
• booty shorts
• those really wide bottomed pants because they'd probably make my ass look bigger than it already is
• tight jeans

5 favorite TV shows:
• Gilmore Girls
• The Real World
• Scrubs
• Beautiful People (even if it's horrible ha)
• The Daily Show

5 bad habits:
• procrastination
• nervousness overall
• biting my lip
• stalking (lol)
• late ness

5 biggest joys:
• friends
• family
• music
• love
• my cat and my niece

5 fictional characters I would date: (i'm a loser who didn't read the fictional part.. haha lemme try this again)
• Seth from the OC (oh Adam Brody.. how I would like to sex you up.. haha)
• Tony (technically he is fictional because this isn't his real name.. hah)
• Harry Potter
• Kostos from The Sisterhood Of The Traveling Pants books (before he knocked that random Greek girl up)
• Spiderman (i don't like Spiders but he looks really good in the suit.. haha)

"maybe we were meant for eachother"

2005-09-20T02:39:59Z

i very much dislike people who complain about their lives when there are so many other people out there who haven't eaten a single meal today or maybe even this week. i also dislike people who complain about their relationship problems and how they want a nice guy but whore themselves around for any guy they can get their hands on. maybe i'm just bitter. or cynical.

i want love.

"you told me you wanted to eat up my sadness"

2005-09-11T23:27:41Z

BLOC PARTY WAS FREAKING AMAZING. and i know i say that after every show but really, this one takes the cake. haha second to Straylight Run at least, musically. Becca Harnois is my favoritest Asian in the entire world!! i love her!

October 25th--> Death Cab For Cutie in Philly!!! ahh i'm so excited!

i'll write more about Bloc Party when I've slept for more than 5 hours...

THE GRANGE!!

2005-09-09T15:14:47Z

I just wanted everyone to know that the Grange is staying open at least until the end of the year if not longer!! this is a huge thanks from the bottom of my heart to the 15 or so people who signed the petition just for the sake of music and to keep me from freaking out! haha i love you all and i hope everyone knows how much this place means to me and how excited i am that our hard work paid off!! so THANK YOU again and have a fucking fantastic day!!

Pleae sign this! (even if you don't know what it is, just sign!)

2005-09-03T05:42:52Z

http://www.petitiononline.com/484891/petition.html

i'm sure, not many of you have ever been to the Harmony Grange in Wilmington, DE but it is one of the places I go to for shows all the time. The owners are considering not allowing the tenants use of the building anymore. (HIPV, Mae, The Early November, Brand New, Bear Vs. Shark, The Sleeping, Houston Calls, Dat At The Fair and many other bands have played shows at this venue several times in the past and I, along with several hundred others, was looking forward to seeing them play there in the future.) If you could just add your name to this petition it would be greatly appreciated by all of us Delaware kids who have nothing to do as it is. It may not change the minds of the owners, but we're all going to give it our best shot! If you don't do this for anyone, do it for the sake of spreading good music.

Thanks

I needed you tonight but I just couldn't wait...

2005-07-25T03:01:18Z

i remember being happy.

i got so excited about Mae that i forgot this...

2005-07-17T03:22:24Z

TOMORROW IS BEAR VS. SHARK AND FEAR BEFORE THE MARCH OF FLAMES!!!

i still love me some Mae.